i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
