I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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