Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
