In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
