OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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