did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
