Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
