Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
