I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
