it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
