CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
