Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
