There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
