you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
