I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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