Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
