guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
