Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can I color on your dick again?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
