you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
