"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
