Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
