The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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