Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
