hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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