My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
