he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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