you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
