i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
