I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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