Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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