He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
