She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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