So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
