He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
