from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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