It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
