Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
