there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
