a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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