I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
