i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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