it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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