i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize