What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
sex in a hospital.. check
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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