Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize