Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
