We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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