I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
