A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
