Fuck appropriateness.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
