Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize