Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
