Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize