your room smells of hookers.
And success
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
