these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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