it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
