We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
