i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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