she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
