so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I love you.
Bad choice
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