When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Houston, we have a squirter
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
