I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
