I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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