If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
