my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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