Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
