you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
